I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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