:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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