My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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