all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She even gives head with a lisp.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
