dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
