dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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