I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
