don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
