but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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