We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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