I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
