I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
be right there i have to get my cape
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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