my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
