My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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