remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
