oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
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