If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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