Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
