she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
