i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
