First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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