His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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