i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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