she was so not down for the gang bang
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I cannot find my penis.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
