Banned from zoo.
Again?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
