Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize