Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
