I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
