yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
