Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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