I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
