a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
