quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
