you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
how drunk are you?
Several
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
