Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
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