Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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