...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
