As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Did I show you my penis last night?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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