dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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