new low.... made out with someone while peeing
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
