You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
