So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
