I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I will pee on everything he values.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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