theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
