nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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