just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
