guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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