My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
