M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
