I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
