I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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