Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Randomize
