i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
