I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
