if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
