So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize