I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
