I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
