ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
