I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
