I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Damn victory sex feels great
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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