his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
