when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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