How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The chlamydia really affected his face.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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