one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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