And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
