I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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