i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
