running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
