Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
When did angry sex become our thing?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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