Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize