Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
