I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
