He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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