i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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