I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
