tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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