I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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