I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
