I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
