he shaved USA in his pubs
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
