I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize