Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
