dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
is it fun? or sober?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
