yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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