Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize