she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
