I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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