So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I touched a dick in church today
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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