Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
