Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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