wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
