I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
