Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
