I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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