some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My vagina is officially offended.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
