Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
we're making bets on your personal life
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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