New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I am midnight drunk by noon
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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