Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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