I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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