butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
