I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
