was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize