Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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