Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
